An Interrogation: Bradford Style

An R.L. Mathewson Chronicle

“You’re late,” came the announcement, followed by a disappointed sigh that drew his attention to the dining room table and felt his lips twitch as he took in the adorable six-year-olds waiting for him.

“My apologies,” Devin murmured absently, dropping his bag by the door as he took in the clipboards in their hands, the selection of crayons laid out on the table in front of them, the oversized coffee mugs filled with what looked like chocolate milk, and felt his lips twitch as he took in the neckties tied loosely around their necks.

“Have a seat, please,” Abbi said, gesturing with an oversized red crayon to the chair across from them.

Curious to see what they were up to, Devin sat down, watching the way the twins noted something on their clipboards before glancing back up at him and-

“Your resumé?” Dustin asked with a pointed look at the empty spot in front of him.

“I didn’t know I needed one,” Devin said, only to frown when the announcement was met with a wince on Abbi’s face while Dustin wrote something down.

“That’s disappointing,” Abbi murmured as she glanced down at her clipboard.

“Agreed,” Dustin murmured in agreement.

“What exactly is going on?” Devin asked, watching as Abbi looked at something on Dustin’s clipboard.

“Tell us about yourself,” Abbi said instead with a pleasant smile that had Devin shifting nervously in his chair.

“I’m your father,” he pointed out, watching as Abbi simply sat there, blinking at him for another moment before she made a note of something on her clipboard.

“What’s your favorite dinosaur?” Dustin asked, drawing his attention to his son to find Dustin watching him curiously.

“That’s a good question,” Abbi murmured, nodding in agreement.

“T-Rex,” Devin said, only to watch as the twins winced in unison before writing something on their clipboards.

“What’s wrong with T-Rex?” Devin demanded.

“It looks like you’re trying too hard,” Abbi said with a pitying look and a sad shake of her head.

“It really does,” Dustin murmured in agreement as he went to make a note, shook his head, and switched out his blue crayon for a green one.

“It’s his favorite dinosaur,” Devin pointed out, gesturing to Dustin, who was still writing.

“Which is why you lost points,” Abbi said with a heartfelt sigh as she glanced back down at her clipboard and moved on to the next question. “What’s your favorite ice cream?”

“Cookie dough ice cream,” Devin said, watching as the twins shared a look, shook their heads, sighed, and made a note of it.

“It’s your mother’s favorite ice cream,” he pointed out even as he couldn’t help but wonder where his wife was.

“She’s in her office waiting for our decision,” Abbi said, answering his unspoken question as she made another note.

“Decision about what?” Devin asked, sighing heavily as he rubbed his hands down his face only to go still when Dustin answered.

“Whether you’re good enough to marry our Mommy,” came the announcement that had Devin slowly dropping his hands away and staring at his children as he told himself that he’d misheard them.

“Why wouldn’t I be good enough to marry your mommy?” Devin demanded, only to narrow his eyes on his children when they sent him matching pitying looks, tsked under their breath and immediately wrote something down on their clipboards.

“We’re already married,” Devin reminded them as he pointedly held up his left hand, showing them the black wedding band on his finger.

“Which lost you points since you didn’t wait until we had a chance to interview you for this position,” Abbi said with a sad shake of her head and a heavy sigh as she reached for her mug of chocolate milk and took a sip.

“You were at the wedding,” Devin bit out with a glare that his children simply ignored before moving on with the interrogation.

“You never told us why you think that you’re good enough to marry our mommy,” Abbi pointed out.

“He also glared,” Dustin said, shaking his head as he made another note.

Nodding, Abbi said, “We should take points off for that.”

“And for the glare,” Dustin readily agreed, making him frown.

“How many points do I have left?” Devin asked, leaning over to try to get a look at their clipboards only to have the twins raise their clipboards higher, make another note and-

“Mommy’s really pretty and you’re…” Dustin said, letting his words trail off with a pitying look and an awkward gesture in Devin’s direction.

“You look just like me,” Devin reminded him, once again narrowing his eyes on his son only to have the twins share a look, shake their heads in unison and make another note.

“And the reason why you think that you’re good enough to marry our mommy?” Abbi asked, drawing his attention to find his little girl blinking at him.

“Because I love her?” Devin said, only to be met with blank stares.

“Why did that sound like a question?” Dustin asked, only to have his sister add, “I was wondering about that, too.”

Devin opened his mouth only to watch as the twins made another note, glanced at each other’s clipboards, winced, and sent him pitying looks. Realizing that this wasn’t going the way that he’d hoped, Devin cleared his throat as he shifted in his chair and asked, “What do you want?”

“What are you offering?” Abbi asked, meeting his gaze with a curious look that gave him hope.

“Fluffiness,” Devin said, watching as his daughter went still.

“I’m listening,” Abbi said, gesturing for him to continue with the red crayon in her hand.

“The petting zoo this weekend,” Devin said before shifting his attention to his son and added, “And I’m willing to overlook the fact that you left me out of your plans for world domination.”

“Mommy already promised to bring me,” Abbi murmured as she made another note.

“But did she promise to give you extra quarters to feed the deer?” Devin asked, watching as Abbi’s crayon went still on the clipboard.

“I don’t believe there was mention of extra quarters,” Abbi said, clearing her throat before she finished making a note and looked back up at him. “And the bunny enclosure?”

“That’s not part of the petting zoo,” Devin said, unable to help but frown only to end up biting back a curse when the announcement was met with another sad shake of her head as Abbi made another note.

Licking his lips nervously, Devin blurted out, “Ice cream.”

“This is just getting sad,” Abbi murmured, making another note.

“I think we have everything we need,” Dustin said, sighing heavily as he pushed his chair back and stood up.

“He didn’t give us kisses when he got home,” Abbi pointed out, which was immediately met with a tsk and another note.

“You didn’t give me a chance,” Devin pointed out almost desperately as he watched his baby girl stand up.

“We’ll let you know our decision in the morning,” Abbi said with a forced smile that really said it all.

“You don’t think I’m good enough to marry your mother,” Devin said accusingly as he slowly stood up and glared down at his twins.

That was met with more sighs, another note, a pitying look, and an absently murmured, “We’ll get back to you,” as the twins made their way to the living room, leaving him standing there, seething as he watched them go only to frown when a small chime drew his attention. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and-

“She’s lucky to have me!” Devin snapped when he saw the text deducting points because he didn’t compliment their crayon choices.

Excerpt from Finally

Well, this was unfortunate, Charlie thought as she stood there, taking in the large man standing in front of her, noting that he was soaking wet, covered in flour and what appeared to be cocoa powder, his tie was burnt, his shirt was destroyed and he had absolutely no idea who she was, which was understandable since he normally went out of his way to avoid her.

That was confirmed seconds later when that familiar expression that she was used to by now crossed his features, the same one that told her that he was trying to figure out where he knew her from as his gaze darted down to her shirt, the one that she wore every day to work, the same one with “Bradford Creations” printed across it. Frowning, he took in her curly chestnut hair pulled back into a ponytail before looking down at her Harry Potter watch and-

That was apparently enough to jog his memory.

“What can I help you with, Charlie?” Devin Bradford, her boss for the past five years and the reason why she no longer left food unattended in the break-room, murmured absently, frowning as he reached down and pulled a pink jump rope that had somehow managed to wrap itself around his legs off and tossed it aside.

“I’m not really sure,” Charlie mumbled, suddenly regretting not taking that two-bedroom apartment on Cedar Street that smelled like garbage, kitty litter, and other things that turned her stomach when she had the chance as she glanced back down at the post-it note in her hand to make sure that she had the right address.

She did, which meant…

“You’re here about the in-law apartment,” Devin said with a pained sigh as he rubbed his hands slowly down his face.

“Maybe,” Charlie murmured, mostly because she really didn’t think that this was a good idea, not with her quitting and everything. Not that he knew that she was quitting, and since she didn’t plan on telling him until she was ready, she felt that it would be in her best interest if she got back in her car, drove to work, and spent the rest of the day hiding in her office with the hopes that he would forget this ever happened. Then again, maybe she was worrying over nothing, Charlie thought as she stood there, blinking up at the large man glaring down at her.

Maybe not, Charlie thought when he said, “This isn’t fucking happening.”

“Okay,” Charlie said as she bit back a sigh of disappointment because she’d been counting on getting this apartment.

If she was going to make this work, and god, she really hoped this worked, she was going to need a cheaper apartment. She didn’t want to give up her two-bedroom apartment, but she didn’t really have a choice right now. Well, she did, but since she’d let Ben talk her into setting a deadline to get her company, that she was still trying to figure out a name for, up and running within the year, she had to do this. The only way that she was going to be able to do that was by saving enough money to make this happen, and that meant cutting back on her expenses.

She’d already canceled her cable, figured out a way to cut her cellphone bill in half, switched her car insurance, canceled all those memberships that she’d told herself that she would use one day but never had, Googled ways to cut her utility bills in half, set a budget and at some point she would start sticking to it, gave up those expensive creamy Frappuccinos with an extra shot of butterscotch and chocolate syrup that she liked so much, and fully planned on cooking more so that she wasn’t dependent on takeout. As much as she hated doing this, getting a smaller place would help her reach her goal faster. This apartment was three hundred dollars a month cheaper than the rest of the apartments that she was considering and would definitely help, but it didn’t look like that was going to-

“I quit!” came the panicked announcement that drew Charlie’s attention to find a small woman covered from head to toe in flour and green glitter fleeing from the house as she tightened her hold around the large tan handbag covered in black magic marker and ran for it.

“Shit!” Devin said, looking anxiously over his shoulder before glancing back at the small woman as she tripped over her feet and-

Quickly picked herself back up as she threw a panicked look over her shoulder, released a terrified scream that kind of freaked Charlie out a bit, and kept going as Devin bit out, “Shit!” again. After one last look over his shoulder, he went after her. For a moment, Charlie simply stood there, watching as the small woman ran towards her car only to rethink that plan when she spotted Devin coming after her and took off down the street crying, “You can’t make me go back in there!” as she went.

Wondering if she should expand her search to include rooms for rent, Charlie slipped the Post-It note back in her pocket, turned around to head to her car only to turn right back around again and invited herself in when she heard a child say the magical words, “We’re gonna need matches.” Once she was inside the house that looked like it had been hit by a tornado, Charlie carefully made her way towards the sounds of cabinet doors shutting, stepping over toys, crayons, and Legos as she went. When she opened the kitchen door, she completely understood why the small woman ran screaming from the house.